Wednesday, November 05, 2003

Bad Dream

I had the worst dream last night.

In my dream, Tim and I killed a woman. I don't know who she was. Well, in the dream I did, but she's not someone I know in my real life. We didn't seek out to kill her. Something happened and we ended up killing her. So it would have been a second degree murder or manslaughter sort of thing. I don't remember which one of us actually did the deed. She didn't bleed, though. There was no blood. So she must have been strangled or something. She was in my apartment. We wrapped the body in plastic and duct tape, then wrapped that in a sheet. We stuffed the body in my hall closet, in a little cubby hole sort of thing that reminded me of a dumb waiter, where there's a little door that you open and put something in. Only it was just another space, not an actual dumb waiter. I should also say that this is one of the few dreams I have had where my home was my actual real life home. My apartment was laid out correctly. The closet was in the same place. The only difference was that I don't have that cubby hole thing in the closet. It's just the closet.

The next part of the dream I remember was waking up. Yes, I had been sleeping in my dream. I was really disoriented and felt like I had slept for 2 days (maybe I did). I wondered if the killing had been a dream (this is becoming very "Waking Life" like). There was no rancid smell in my apartment. I walked over to the closet and opened the door of the cubby hole, and sure enough, there was the body.

That is when it really hit me, and I felt the worst feeling I had ever felt in my life. Tons of thoughts were running through my head at a time: Oh my gosh I killed someone...I'm going to jail...no, where can I dump the body...I took someone's life...there's no way I can deal with a body this size without someone seeing...I took someone's life...maybe I can dismember the body...someone is dead because of me...I will get caught because it's my sheet and I'm sure my hair and everything is all over it...what am I thinking I have to turn myself in...I don't want to go to jail...oh my gosh I actually took someone's life...

It was about this time that I realized, wait a minute, I'm in a dream. I don't have to deal with any of this crap. I literally thought that in my dream. Then I woke up. I actually hurt when I woke up. My body was aching. It was awful.

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